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為什麼男人會婚外情? [复制链接]

发表于 2013-12-6 01:29:24 |显示全部楼层
關於外遇,很多人都會有疑問,為什麼有那麼多人會出軌?外軌究竟會給他們帶來怎樣的快感,使他們樂此不疲…無論妻子或丈夫,最糟的就是明知對方有了外遇而不進言,聽之任之,這會導致婚姻關係的畸形、變質。

    謎題一:現代社會,外遇顯然多了
  謎底:來自美國的調查顯示,陷入外遇的家庭只佔全部家庭總數的15%~20%。 顯然,外遇現象並非如想像中的那麼嚴重。持這種觀點的人(多數是男人)無非是想為自己的行為辯解。女人也會成為這種觀點的受害者,她們會盲目地相信男人都有拈花惹草的癖性而變得多疑,對丈夫防範過度,從而破壞相互間的信任。而信任是美滿婚姻的基石。
  不可否認,人們想獲得艷遇的心理的確很普遍。 即使是一些很傳統的男女,時而也得與某種誘惑進行內心的較量。 但外遇的行為是完全可以避免的,關鍵就是自控力。要克制與可能的第三者繼續交往,同時努力增進與配偶之間的親密關係。

  謎題二:懷疑配偶有外遇,最好不要說出來

  謎底:這種憋在心裡的做法,不會帶來好結果。 事實上,感情一向融洽的夫妻,若一方有了外遇,不用多久,另一方便會感覺出來,一方的任何蛛絲馬跡都會進而在另一方的精神上產生焦慮。
  所以,可能受到欺騙的一方,應當坦言自己的疑慮,但不是質詢、責備、刨根究底,而是心平氣和地述說。比如可以說說你的夢,讓對方知道你的擔心。 當然,也許並不存在那麼一回事,但這種坦率的交流會揭示出一些其他的問題。 如近期丈夫心緒不寧、失掉“性”趣,原來是工作中遇到了麻煩。 在現代社會,生活壓力由夫妻雙方共同來承擔,這具有更大的意義。
  即使你的疑慮被證實,坦言也有價值。 因為事情已清楚地擺上桌面,你不再是蒙在鼓裡,可以面對現實做出調整。 要知道,無論妻子或丈夫,最糟的就是明知對方有了外遇而不進言,聽之任之,這會導致婚姻關係的畸形、變質。

  謎題三:外遇,是平淡婚姻的興奮劑

  謎底:不錯,與自己婚外所喜歡的人秘密約會是快樂的,也是外遇最初的動因。你會重溫熱戀的感覺,陶醉於美好的幻想而無視對方的缺點。 可要不了半年,你又會面臨一個真實的世界,乏味、平淡、無奇。
  婚姻生活中的單調是可以補救的。 改變既定的模式,尋找共同的志趣,相信你們的婚姻會有新意,再造奇蹟。

謎題四:如果配偶有外遇,可能根子在於你
  謎底:相信這一點而自怨自艾的人,並不在少數,特別是妻子們。而不忠的配偶也會推卸責任,尋找藉口,往往還誇大其辭。 但過錯的一方要另一方來擔責,顯然背理。 無論如何,當你的配偶有外遇時,只能證明他或她自己樂意這麼幹,數落你只是為了讓外遇者更心安理得。

  謎題五:有外遇,就證明他在愛你了??
  謎底:缺乏感情的夫妻非常容易發生外遇,但發生外遇不一定表明他“不愛你了”。迷戀情人,但依然深愛自己的人的現像很常見。 你可以看到,有外遇的男女,包括常犯這類毛病的人,多數還是不願意離婚的。 也許對他來說,外遇的動人之處只在於可以逃避婚姻生活的平淡無奇。

重要的是,不要對有過失的配偶在向你重新表白愛意的時候,做出不屑、反諷和挖苦的反應,因為這種愛意非常可能發自內心,應當把它視作一個嶄新的開端。

謎題六:如果發現配偶外遇,應當離婚

  謎底:人生在世,眼中容不得一點沙粒的心態並不明智,況且,離婚也會帶來不少甚至更為棘手的新問題,多數因外遇受傷的婚姻是值得併可以挽救的。同時,因外遇的暴露所引發的震撼,也會促動雙方重新審視彼此,好好坐下來,傾聽彼此內心的聲音。許多人都會為他(她)們先前的行為而內疚、反省。
  謎題七:有外遇的婚姻圓滿嗎?
  謎底:是的。 “如果夫妻倆都沒有想過背叛對方,那麼這個婚姻是幸福的婚姻;如果一方的背叛行為沒有使另一方產生懷疑,那麼這是個圓滿的婚姻;如果背叛行為得到諒解,那麼這是個成功的婚姻;如果背叛行為不能得到寬恕,那麼這是個不圓滿的婚姻;如果背叛只是為了尋找安慰,那麼這是個形式上的婚姻;如果背叛根本就不是為了尋求安慰,那麼這是個失敗的婚姻。”

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